An Eternity in Hell

by Sharlene
(United States)

An Eternity in Hell

An eternity in hell would be like a walk in the park compared to what my life has become. I have severe chronic migraine with aura suffering usually more than 20 migraines a month, my life has become one not worth living. A life that is defined by unpredictable attacks of debilitating symptoms that have consumed me.

I have had migraines on and off my whole life, but they became chronic a little over 3 years ago. I also have RA and other related auto immune disorders and began taking long term steroids to help control my symptoms. The steroids ravaged my GI system and I ended up with a temporary feeding tube. I suffered anesthesia failure during the placement of the second tube and at the moment the doctor plunged the knife into my abdomen, something inside my head exploded and my migraines have been chronic and out of control since then. That was a little over 3 years ago.

My migraine aura usually starts with flashing lights coming from behind me. Sometimes my field of vision is torn away and visually looks the same as if a page was being torn out of a book. I become completely blind. I see zigzag and wavy lines and such distortions that again I am completely blind. I lose my central field of vision. I become very sensitive to light and sound and smell and motion. The skin on my head becomes very tender, and then the pain of the migraine hits. My head feels like it is going to explode and I feel like I'm having a stroke. One side of my head feels like it has terrible throbbing pressure and the other side has tender skin. I become physically weak and lose coordination and often vomit. At this point light is so painful that even a candle light through my closed eyelids would be too much.

I discovered at the end of Dec. 2011 that if I crushed my relpax and took a fraction of a pill before any migraine symptoms showed up first thing in the morning I was able to avoid all migraine symptoms. Unfortunately, just as I discovered a new way to take my relpax, my insurance company decided not to pay for it anymore and that I only needed 9 sumatriptan a month. I have been running from doctor to doctor begging for help. Currently my primary care doctor is giving me free samples of relpax and trying to fight the insurance to give me the amount of relpax I need to control my migraines.

I made a painting depicting what I experience on a daily basis. Usually completely disabled for 4 - 6 hours, then recovery can take hours longer.

The photo is a picture of me recovering from a migraine attack with an ice pack wrapped around my head.